The last time the three kidults went out in a caravan they "accidentally" set fire to it so that they could produce a memorable closing sequence: a car towing a smouldering caravan chassis. Amusing? Yes; hilarious really, but the messages are clear: caravans are their to be mocked, even hated.
As someone who has a caravan I can actually see the funny side of Clarkson's japes, childish and predictable as they are. The sad reality is that he doesn't want to understand what it is that caravans give you or to see just how much fun a holiday in your home-on-wheels can be.
But as much as I don't like the idea of having the fun poked at something that me and my family enjoy, you can see exactly how some of those who have caravans do give the rest of us a bad name. It's not just the matching fleeces, from the Edinburgh Woollen Mill (of course), it is the air of seriousness, general unfriendliness (rarely to you get a "good day") and that many caravanners seem to revel in the site rules. On too many sites there are the locked toilet and shower blocks, and frequently the "no ball games" signs littering the site. Just who are the site owners trying to deter? Football playing families that have no access to hot water, clearly.
Campsite in the Haute-Savoie on the shores of Lac Bourget, France
Now, I enjoy a peaceful campsite with clean facilities, but we go caravanning for some freedom and sense of getting away from it all.
Take you caravan to Europe and everything changes.
In France, which is where we have taken our caravan since 2008, there is no issue with caravanners; you get the "bonjours" from complete strangers on the site or in the local towns and you have mixed shower and toilet blocks that aren't locked.
You meet people from all walks of life and you don't get the gleaming pumped-up Discoverys on steroids; most cars on French campsites are regular hatchbacks, MPVs and saloons. You could be next to a company director, a fireman or cleaner, but there is no real sense of social division. But of course France is much more egalitarian than our class-ridden society where integration between the have-nots and have-lots just doesn't happen.
Caravanning isn't about the latest 'van and accessories, it is about the opportunity to explore areas away from the confines of package holidays; it is about enjoying a simpler life and mixing with people and it is about relaxing and unwinding.
Clarkson and his type won't ever understand the enjoyment of caravanning and that's fine, but surely it's live and let live; I don't enjoy package holidays but many do; I'm not a fan of the idea of a cruise (I have never been on one) but they're increasingly popular. At least don't criticise what others do and neither should Clarkson.
I am looking forward to our next expedition with our caravan: a trip to the Alps later this year; we'll be in an area that enjoys 300 days of sun a year, with temperatures in the summer months as high as we enjoyed in the Charente-Maritime (high 20s).
The great thing about caravans is that the moment you hook-up your unit you are already on holiday; there's no checking in at airports and no worries about the weight of your suitcases.
As for the return trip: you have plenty of room to stash all that fabulous wine.
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